Okay so I know that it hasn’t been all that long since the last time I reviewed this mess, but the game has all but completely changed in that time. This is the future, folks, and the world of video gaming moves fast and dirty. SPEAKING of which, let’s get down to business here, because that is how I would describe the last major update for Epic Games’ third-person MOBA, Paragon. Fast and dirty.
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On December 6th the game changed completely. Epic entirely overhauled the mechanics of the game down to the bare bones. From the map, to the playable champs, right down to how the card power system works, and if I didn’t hate this game with every fiber of my being before, I certainly do now.
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Don’t do it kids!
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The biggest changes include the new card crafting system. You can now break or dismantle cards you don’t plan on using and functionalise the bits that come out to create new ones. Which at first glance, is completely awesome, because this game HATES giving you the cheap upgrade cards, and with this new mechanic, it allows you to easily craft more. Except for the fact that it also costs rep. Now might be a good time to mention that it ALSO costs rep to buy every thing else in the game. For example, you can buy Mastery for a champ that allows you extra bennies (double experience gain, skins, ect…) but THAT costs 75,000 rep. Which isn’t TOO big of a deal, if you don’t mind grinding for a weeks on end to earn that much. If you have that sorta time. This game shouldn’t have been made into a grind house special, but it was. Tsk tsk Epic.
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Let’s talk about the new map, shall we? Paragon-blog-the-road-to-monolith-part-2-safe-lane-Monolith_SafeLaneMinimap-1441x1258-e251d8e4c4c43cb3586e7563e9da6a8f3812cf69.jpgOkay, first of all, they didn’t just ADD a new map, they replaced the old one, which was visually stunning, to say the least, with a seemingly half-finished Summoner’s Rift knock off. They definitely didn’t even spend half the time on this one that they did with the original. Honestly, we’re talking highish-end PS2 water-rendering here. Garbage. The jungle has toughened up, and that’s fair, because it should be the most difficult role to play. While we’re on the subject of roles, however…..
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They took them away and gave us what I would call ‘assumed roles’. Which basically means, Epic ASSUMES the idiots that play this game are actually going to take their roles seriously. I have played at least 150 games since the update, bouncing between PVP and Coop vs AI, and for the most part, it’s like NO ONE HAS EVER PLAYED A MOBA BEFORE. This is what happens when you give console COD kids a game meant for more strategically-minded PC players. WTF is a support role? IDK, I’m just gonna run around to all the lanes and doink off the last 10 hp of your kills, ignore the tower push, and disappear back into the jungle.
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They “rebalanced” all the heroes. They certainly did, because all the champs that USED to be good for the long game, are p
ractically unplayable until 20 minutes in. They CLAIMED to have traded CDR(cool down reduction) for mana boosts, when in reality, I pop two spells at the start of the match and go OOM. AND while it seems the scaling of ‘magic users’ in game has improved, you’re still basically useless shit that needs to be carried until at least 10th level.
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Have I still not verified my use of the term Console of Legends? Well, let me fix that. With all of these new additions they’ve brought about, came Loot Crates and Keys. We’re still not all %100 sure HOW to get them, whether it’s by hitting certain levels, or with Mastery Tribute, or by just playing well in matches, however, one thing IS certain. YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE MORE OF ONE THAN THE OTHER. You’ll either have 6 keys and no crates, or a bunch of crates and no keys. All kinds of prizes are hidden in the crates, but mostly, it will just be skins for champs you NEVER play. So have fun grinding those boring champs you have sitting at level 1 just cuz well shucks now you gotta, to show off your new skin. EVERYONE knows skins means wins!
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Any way I think I’ve wasted more than enough time ranting about Paragon. Heed my warning: DON’T WASTE YOUR FUCKING TIME. If you want to get down on a MOBA, go play Smite or League or DoTa or basically ANYTHING ELSE on a PC, cuz it’s more than obvious that console players have no fucking clue how to git gud in this genre. This game went from a 5-7/10 to a fucking 3. It’s terrible, and I wouldn’t even wish it on the noisome children of my arch-most enemy.
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